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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26654302">bring me home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umazes/pseuds/Citrus%20Scented'>Citrus Scented (Umazes)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the sky we share looks so, so blue [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Asexuality Spectrum, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, Reader has depression, Reader-Insert, Red String of Fate, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:34:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,344</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26654302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umazes/pseuds/Citrus%20Scented</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,<br/>except in this form in which I am not nor are you,<br/>so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,<br/>so close that your eyes close with my dreams.</p><p>-Pablo Neruda</p><p> </p><p>“The sky is beautiful like this, don’t you think?”</p><p>He makes a face that melts into another grin when you laugh.</p><p>“You know,” you say, “when it’s so clear and blue that it looks endless. I feel like I could just float up into this sky and go anywhere I want to.”</p><p>“You can already go anywhere you want to,” Luffy says. He picks at the grass, digging blunt fingertips into the cool earth. Nami will scold him later for having dirt under his fingernails. “If there’s somewhere you want to go, then just do it.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Monkey D. Luffy/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the sky we share looks so, so blue [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819351</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>163</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>bring me home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,<br/>or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:<br/>I love you as one loves certain obscure things,<br/>secretly, between the shadow and the soul.</p><p>I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries<br/>the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,<br/>and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose<br/>from the earth lives dimly in my body.</p><p>I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,<br/>I love you directly without problems or pride:<br/>I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,<br/>except in this form in which I am not nor are you,<br/>so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,<br/>so close that your eyes close with my dreams.</p><p>-Pablo Neruda</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re so noisy!”</p><p>He finds you in the dusty wreckage of what used to be your home. Not much by anyone’s standards, but it was <em> yours </em> and that counts for something, especially on an island that can’t afford to muster a Heavenly Tribute.</p><p>Straw Hat Luffy kicks aside a scrap of what used to be your front door. You sit just inside of the collapsed door frame and watch him, the taste of smoke and blood in your mouth, splinters digging into your fingertips. </p><p>The spyglass is gone; stolen by one of the gangs that pass through the islands hunting for anything of value. The archipelagos outside of the World Government’s protection are easy pickings and frequently raided. What little money you brought in was gone as quickly as it came, scraps in constant circulation among the downtrodden populace. Your father's spyglass was the only thing you had left to lose.</p><p>Luffy stands at the entrance to the wreckage and listens to you mumble about the event through a constant stream of tears. He digs a finger in his ear idly and waits for your sobs to quiet.</p><p>"Just go get it back," Luffy says eventually, "don't be such a crybaby." </p><p>The shock of a stranger criticizing you in this moment of loss is enough to stop your tears. You glare at him, outraged.</p><p>“<em> Luffy </em>,” says the redheaded woman beside him (you haven’t seen her wanted poster; only Luffy’s, with a bright smile stretching from ear to ear and a staggering bounty, left behind by a pirate crew that raided your local tavern), “Have some tact for once, will you?”</p><p>“No. This is a waste of time.”</p><p>Something in you snaps at the accusation and you leap to your feet, eyes reddened and furious. You open your mouth to yell at him when a flash of scarlet catches your eye.</p><p>“Wha—”</p><p>Luffy lifts his hand up. He stares at it, eyes wide. He shakes the hand and you watch the string dangling from it dance between you.</p><p>“Luffy, what is it?”</p><p>“What the hell is this,” he asks, sounding completely baffled.</p><p>“I don’t see anything,” a green-haired swordsman standing behind them says. His brow furrows.</p><p>You shake your own hand and watch the string wobble, just as Luffy did. If you concentrate hard, you can almost feel the movement of it swinging back and forth. </p><p>“Uh,” you say. Your heart begins to race. “This wouldn’t be–”</p><p>“A soulmate connection?”</p><p>“Robin, what’s happening?” Luffy’s head swings around to ask the tall woman behind him. Her surprised look melts into a faint smile.</p><p>“It doesn’t seem like anything bad. Perhaps we should investigate, captain?”</p><p>“Please.” You move closer to him, one step at a time until the string is pooled messily by your feet. Luffy—your soulmate. Your <em> soulmate </em>? You'll process that later—doesn’t recoil, staring at you with a blank expression. “Take me to Sabaody Archipelago. You can investigate me or whatever in exchange, but I want to find my spyglass. I know that's where they sell most of their loot. I need to find it.” The object itself is not, in the grand scheme of things, all that important to you; but it’s all you could possibly recover.</p><p>He blinks. "Okay," he says. “If Robin says we should, then we should.” He smiles suddenly, the sun breaking through clouds, and you see that even the brilliance of his wanted poster doesn’t do the real thing justice. “C’mon, let’s go!”</p><p>“You can at least <em> pretend </em> to ask the rest of us,” a long-nosed crew member calls out, but he doesn't seem bothered.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” Luffy says. He doesn’t look repentant at all. He turns and walks away without waiting to see if you follow. You heave yourself up on your feet again, body aching and bruised, and follow him with the crew’s stares burning your back.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“So, what’s this?”</p><p>Luffy lifts his arm, shaking it to make sure that you know what he’s talking about. He watches your eyes lower, the sparkle fading behind a flutter of your eyelashes.</p><p>“I think it really is a soulmate bond.”</p><p>“I don’t understand.”</p><p>“We’re, uh,” you bite your lip nervously and then lick it, a brief flash of pink tongue sweeping over the reddened flesh, “we’re connected, I guess.”</p><p>Luffy looks at you skeptically. <em> Obviously </em> he’s figured that much out.</p><p>“I mean, it’s like...when you meet the right person? I’ve only heard rumours about soulmate bonds so I don’t know very much about it myself.”</p><p>He watches you worry at your lip a bit more and instinctively reaches out to pull it from your teeth, his thumb brushing over the bruised skin thoughtlessly before retreating. “Oh,” Luffy says, “I don’t really get it but it’s a good thing?”</p><p>“I think so?”</p><p>“Then it’s fine.” He smiles. Luffy trusts his instincts more than anything else in this world, and they’re saying—well, he’s not entirely sure. But you don’t mean him harm, and he gets a kind of good feeling when he watches you blush, rosy like a sunrise. “If it’s not bad then we can figure it out later.”</p><p>“One of the—Your other crew—Er,” you laugh as the words don’t come out right, and Luffy laughs with you because why not? “What was her name?”</p><p>You make a vague gesture of height and, for once, he just <em> gets it</em>.</p><p>“Robin?”</p><p>“Yeah, thanks. Robin seemed to know more about it than I do.”</p><p>“We can ask her later. She’s probably busy doing something if she isn’t out here too.” Luffy flops back on the grass, staring up at the sky. It’s cloudless; boring, without any shapes for him to trace and ask your opinions on, bereft of birds or butterflies or even cannonballs.</p><p>He sees you look up too, out of the corner of his eye. You ease yourself down onto the Sunny’s lawn beside him, fingers brushing his own before skittering away again.</p><p>“The sky is beautiful like this, don’t you think?”</p><p>He makes a face that melts into another grin when you laugh.</p><p>“You know,” you say, “when it’s so clear and blue that it looks endless. I feel like I could just float up into this sky and go anywhere I want to.”</p><p>“You can already go anywhere you want to,” Luffy says. He picks at the grass, digging blunt fingertips into the cool earth. Nami will scold him later for having dirt under his fingernails. “If there’s somewhere you want to go, then just do it.”</p><p>“Well,” you respond, “when you put it like that, I can't argue.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Robin doesn’t know as much as you anticipated, much to your dismay.</p><p>She brings it up the following day at lunchtime, when all of you are clustered messily around the galley table; Usopp has taken a shine to your more moderate personality and wields his fork with vengeance against Luffy’s wandering hands, protecting your meal. Brook slips you rolls of bread while they’re occupied fighting against each other.</p><p>“This is the first soulmate pair I’ve seen myself,” Robin says, “they seem to be quite rare.”</p><p>The comment causes an abrupt halt in the chaotic warfare across the table; Luffy turns to her, cheeks stuffed with food, and mumbles something incoherent.</p><p>“How rare?” you ask, earning a hum of approval from the captain as he swallows painfully.</p><p>“A book I purchased at the last port had some records in it. It said that typically, no more than ten pairs find each other per year.”</p><p>“Find each other? So there could be more,” Nami says.</p><p>“That’s right,” Robin replies. “It seems to be a matter of luck, which I would say Luffy possesses more of than the average person.”</p><p>“So what does it <em> do </em>? This soulmate thingy,” Luffy asks.</p><p>“It connects you to the person you’re destined to be with,” Robin says, “beyond that I’m not quite sure what the effects are. The books I read only ever mentioned them in passing.”</p><p>“How enviable,” Sanji sighs. “I can’t believe this idiot has such a gorgeous destiny! Life is so unfair.”</p><p>“I don’t need destiny,” Luffy says.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>“We know,” Usopp says, “you’re going to become King of the Pirates and you’ll just do whatever you want, no matter what anyone says. That’s just how you are. But I don't think this is the same kind of thing.”</p><p>“It could be good!” Chopper agrees happily. "Can I observe you? It might be a medical condition?"</p><p>Luffy makes a thoughtful noise. "Don't really get it, but sure."</p><p>And maybe that’s it. It could just be something superficial, or a misunderstanding–but you feel a twinge in your gut, the stirrings of anxiety.</p><p>That maybe Luffy doesn’t want you. Maybe you’re being rejected.</p><p>Luffy meets your eyes across the table. There’s nothing odd in his gaze; he stares at you, direct and unfazed, his lips slightly downturned but neutral. You offer him a small smile and see his mouth curve upwards in response.</p><p>“It’s fine,” you say. You can deal. You weren't expecting anything big anyway. You weren’t expecting to have a soulmate at all, so you can’t be disappointed. “This doesn’t have to mean anything if we don’t want it to.”</p><p>“Yeah!” Luffy exclaims. He goes back to shoving food in his mouth, continuing to speak around mouthfuls. “We’re already friends, and you’re already here, so this string doesn’t matter!”</p><p>Your turn and see Robin looking at you. She taps her finger against her lip and offers you a placid smile, and it's only then that you remember to release the abused flesh between your teeth. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It only takes a couple of days for you to adjust to life at sea. The hardest part is the movement; the Thousand Sunny is always rocking gently, comforting during the day but slightly nauseating at night, when you lose your perspective in the dark. You end up sleeping in Nami and Robin’s room. The ship isn’t really built with anyone besides the crew in mind, so the furniture is rearranged and a small bunk is crammed in to make space for you. It’s a bit cramped, but also cozy, and you feel like you could belong here for a little while.</p><p>There’s not much to do on the deck besides watching the ocean and the weaving red string that follows your soulmate, so instead you head below to visit Usopp. It’s easier to pretend that you don’t crave Luffy’s attention when he isn’t in sight. The yearning is another anxiety to add to your precarious mental state—you've only known him for a few days, after all, so it's awfully fast to get attached, but the circumstances are also unusual. You need some time to think it over without his overwhelming presence commanding your focus.</p><p>“So, what’s your thing?” Usopp asks. He has you hold some kind of fragile little shell in your hands as he carefully spoons powder into it. “What do you like to do?”</p><p>You tilt the shell, watching the grainy substance inside shift and settle more evenly. Usopp warns you not to shake it. “I’m not very exciting. I guess I like to draw. It would be nice if I could get a sketchbook or something, but I don’t want to impose.”</p><p>“That kind of stuff is easy,” Usopp says with a smile. “I’m sure I’ve got one in here somewhere! I’ll give it to you when we’re done with this.”</p><p>“Oh, thanks!”</p><p>“You should draw Chopper. Or Franky! I bet Franky would love it. Or Brook. I’m a master painter, so I’ll give you tips if you want.”</p><p>You laugh. “Yeah, maybe I’ll take you up on that.”</p><p>Franky is a more than willing model, and you pass some time sketching him in various poses. You sit on the deck and draw the ship; you capture the waves in motion, the bird delivering newspapers, Nami at the helm, Zoro napping in the shade of the mast. There’s a wealth of material when you’re surrounded by such lively characters, and the simple motion of crumbling graphite against white paper eases your nerves.</p><p>“Draw me next!”</p><p>You jump, stifling a gasp as Luffy’s head appears in front of you; he’s hanging upside-down from the sails, legs stretched long into bungee cords. He smiles at you, eyes bright with anticipation, and drops down to pose heroically in front of you.</p><p>“Like this, with a crown! Or lasers! Or treasure! Make me look really cool!”</p><p>“Or as a dragon,” you say amusedly, and he nods eagerly.</p><p>“Give me a cool horn and wings! Can you make them out of metal? I bet Franky could make me some metal wings.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t that be too heavy to actually fly?”</p><p>He frowns thoughtfully and then shrugs. “I bet Franky could do it.”</p><p>Maybe he could. You roughly sketch Luffy, with crown and wings and horn and laser eyes and treasure, and flip the sketchbook over to show him the draft.</p><p>“That’s SO COOL,” he exclaims. “You’re awesome!”</p><p>(And maybe he just has the art skills and appreciation of a distracted toddler, but the compliment makes you feel good anyway.)</p><p>“It’s fun to draw like this,” you say, scratching straw patterns into his hat and wrinkles into his clothes, “just drawing whatever seems interesting. I used to draw sometimes to make money, but everyone wanted portraits of themselves or their family. No dragons.”</p><p>Luffy thinks about that for a minute. “I don’t know why they wouldn’t want a dragon.”</p><p>“Me neither. I liked making them happy, though. I think it would be nice if I could just travel the world drawing things and making people happy.”</p><p>There’s a brief silence; when you look up, Luffy is still smiling at you, but it’s a smaller smile than usual. Private, somehow.</p><p>“If there’s something you want to do,” he says eventually, “just do it.”</p><p>“You always say that.”</p><p>“Well, it’s true! You could draw my adventures.”</p><p>“I think you’ll have to meet a lot more dragons and robots if I’m gonna meet your expectations.”</p><p>You don’t mention the pages filled with hasty impressions of Luffy as he is, over and over and over again.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A week into the journey, the ship anchors at an uninhabited island to hunt for supplies and give everyone a chance to stretch their legs on land. You’ve been looking a bit pale for the past few days, and Chopper confided in Luffy that he thinks the return to shore would do you some good. Sanji immediately drafts Usopp and Chopper to help him gather herbs; he only glances in Luffy's direction before shaking his head and moving on. </p><p>"Can I help?" Luffy hears you ask; he turns his head and sees you emerging from inside the ship, rolling up your sleeves. He turns his head again and sees Sanji grinning foolishly, and just as the cook opens his mouth—</p><p>"No," he hears himself blurt out. It was an involuntary reaction, some peculiar emotion welling up inside of him that makes him feel restless. "Come hang out with me! It's boring alone. Enough people are already gonna look for supplies."</p><p>A smile creeps over your face as you look at him, uncertain but happy, and you nod. "Okay. Sorry, Sanji, maybe next time."</p><p>"Of course, dear lady," Sanji says, and maybe Luffy's mouth twists into something of a pout at the attention you're still giving to someone else; but he waits as patiently as he can for you to approach. </p><p>He takes your hand in his and tugs you off the ship, onto dirt and grass, and takes a moment to assess what the others are doing because whatever it is, he's gonna do something else.</p><p>“Oh, there’s a beach over there,” you say. The island has a long stretch of pristine sand edged with rocky pools, and maybe the two of you can dig for creatures in the sand or build a castle—he doesn’t know yet, it’ll come to him when you get there. He starts walking at a leisurely pace, mindful of your smaller footsteps. You’re wearing heels borrowed from Nami and you don’t seem very comfortable in them, so the going is a bit slow, but he’s not in any particular hurry anyway.</p><p>“Are you okay with the ocean?” you ask as his heels sink into soft sand; yours do too, to a much greater degree, and he pauses as you take your shoes off and hold them from the ankle straps with your free hand.</p><p>“A little is fine,” he answers, “I’m strong. I can’t swim anymore but I can go in the water.”</p><p>You hum in acknowledgement, a pleasant sound that makes his skin tingle. “Good. Wanna look for hermit crabs?”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>He idles away an hour or two with you, harassing sea creatures; and there’s something a little bit special, Luffy thinks, about the way you crouch over sea stars and nag him for disturbing small crabs burrowing in the sand, your smile as you scoop up sea urchins in your hands and cradle them gently, your mumbled speculations about what might be edible and worth bringing back to the ship.</p><p>“Let’s just bring back whatever we can carry,” he says, half-serious and half to make you laugh; and you do, just like he knew you would.</p><p>“I don’t want to make Sanji sift through junk either.”</p><p>“It’s fine, it’s fine. We can help him.”</p><p>Luffy sprints back to the ship and gets a couple of buckets, which the two of you fill with all manner of creatures; your harvest looks distinctly more edible than his, but you don’t stop him from dumping sea sponges and anemone into his bucket and he graciously doesn’t comment on who’s winning this competition.</p><p>When the sun rises too high and the day gets too hot to stay in the sand, you coax him back towards the treeline and take refuge in shaded grass. His hands are wet and—honestly kind of gross, which he wouldn’t normally care very much about, but he watched you rinse yours before calling it quits. Luffy wipes his hands on his shorts and takes your hand in his; it’s soft and cool, distinctly unlike his own, but the fit is just right.</p><p>“Let’s stay here for the whole day,” he says, because he’s having fun and he still wants to play more; maybe launch himself into the water or build a sandcastle. You agree immediately, sitting back against a tree and asking him what he wants to do. He thinks it would be fun to bury someone in the sand but he doubts you would enjoy it; Usopp, maybe, if they come back in time, but Luffy doesn’t really want to go find the others. It’s the first time he’s seen you this energetic and he wants to keep it for himself. Just this time.</p><p>He flops over and rests his head in your lap, half expecting you to shrug him off because there’s a fifty-fifty chance with Nami that she’d do so, but instead your fingers card through his hair tenderly, and he thinks he might not want to give this up.</p><p>“Do you wanna be a pirate?” he asks. You blink down at him, surprised.</p><p>“I don’t really have a pirate skillset.”</p><p>“That’s fine. You can just learn.”</p><p>Luffy lets you think about it for several long seconds; cicadas sing in the background, and he entertains himself trying to discern the wildlife noises around you while you ruminate.</p><p>“I<em> should</em>, right,” you say eventually. “We’re soulmates, after all. If we're going to—”</p><p>“Soulmates has nothing to do with it,” Luffy says. He catches your eye and holds your gaze, because this is important. He won’t accept it if you’re just following him around because of some—whatever. The string is just a string. It has to be for a stronger reason than that. “Do you <em> want </em>to?”</p><p>“Do you not feel the connection?” you ask him instead, and he watches you start to chew your lip again; he reaches up to stop you but your teeth part again before his hand makes contact, and he lets his arm drop. “It really doesn’t mean anything to you?”</p><p>He feels it. He sees it, too, everywhere he goes; his eyes are drawn to you fifteen hundred times a day. It’s just that he doesn’t want to accept that it’s some <em> higher power </em> thing rather than his own feelings, which he knows and trusts. “I don’t care about destiny,” Luffy says, “I don’t need anything like a soulmate. If you don't wanna be a pirate then it's fine.”</p><p>You break eye contact with him, your mouth flattening into a vaguely unhappy line. He feels like he said the wrong thing but he can’t figure out what exactly, which is frustrating, and he doesn’t know how to fix it, which is more frustrating. “Okay,” you say, "I guess right now I don't."</p><p>“See, that wasn't so hard." He hopes the sour feeling that something just went wrong will just...go away. "I’m gonna take a nap,” he declares. “Nap with me?”</p><p>You smile a little, which is encouraging. “Yeah. Let’s build that sandcastle when we wake up.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You wake up well into the afternoon, groggy and disoriented, bones aching. It's not getting dark just yet, but the sun is getting low in the sky and the wind is picking up. You think there might be a storm coming but you're not Nami, don't have those instincts.</p><p>Luffy is gone; you can see the red string stretching into the forest, and when you stand up and give yourself a little shake he promptly comes back with an armful of cloth.</p><p>"Picnic," he says cheerfully, "with everyone on the beach!"</p><p>"Did you take all of that for yourself? Glutton."</p><p>"No," Luffy protests, despite your teasing grin, "I'm gonna share with you." He grabs your wrist and tugs you back to the shore, where you find Sanji setting up an elaborate feast. </p><p>"There you are, princess~" he coos even as he continues setting out plates of pasta with mussels and bowls of fruit salad, "I got the seafood you collected and made dinner with it! Guaranteed to be delicious."</p><p>"<em>Everything </em> you make is delicious," you reply. Luffy doesn't wait for you to hold any further conversation and pulls you to a corner of the picnic blanket, dumping the assortment of wrapped snacks in his arms at your feet. </p><p>"Good, right?" He beams at you, settling himself beside you. “I picked out all the best stuff for you already.”</p><p>You laugh. “Luffy, this is mostly meat.”</p><p>“Yeah, exactly!”</p><p>Usopp and Chopper tumble over the checkered fabric to join you, making puns until Chopper is in tears and your stomach aches with laughter, and you feel so full of contentment that there’s hardly any room for food, and maybe it would be nice to stay with them forever.</p><p>When the sun sinks low and lower, Franky builds a firepit where you promptly set about toasting marshmallows and roasting sweet potatoes which nobody except Luffy seems to have any room to eat; and in the gathering dusk, the captain tugs you away from the warmth of the fire and tells you he wants to build a sandcastle in the most conspiratorial voice you’ve ever heard.</p><p>“We have to do it quickly,” he says with his hand pressed up against your ear, breath whispery and voice still too loud over your skin, “before Usopp and Franky notice and copy us.”</p><p>He pulls you close to the shore, eyeing it critically for an optimal spot to build without your creation being washed away, and you pack wet sand into towers and walls until your creation is shoulder-high. Luffy splashes water here and there, causing a brief but intense water fight between the two of you; and at some point you stop and just sit beside the castle, exhausted but satisfied, as he continues to slap misshapen handfuls of sand onto the sides. Usopp has, of course, long since noticed your creation and started his own with Chopper and Franky’s help, but if you had to judge you would say that it doesn’t compare to your own.</p><p>(Maybe that’s biased, but who could blame you?)</p><p>“You get tired easily, don’t you?” Luffy asks from the other side of the sandcastle; only his eyes and matching furrowed brows are visible over the walls you constructed.</p><p>“Sometimes, yeah.” More often lately than usual, but it might just be all the new things happening to you.</p><p>“Okay.” The top of his head disappears briefly before he reappears around the side, striding towards you and scooping you into his arms. “Let’s go back.”</p><p>“Is the castle done? Um—You don’t have to carry me.”</p><p>“You’re tired, right? It’s faster like this.”</p><p>“I’m not <em> that </em> tired. Put me down.”</p><p>“Don’t wanna.” He adjusts his grip, the brief shift in balance enough to make you fling your arms around his neck, and then carries you back to where the crew is packing up the remnants of your picnic. Luffy’s skin is cool and damp against your fingers, a little shiver running across his shoulders as you cling to them.</p><p>“You’re cold.”</p><p>“It kinda tickles. I’m strong, I don’t get cold.”</p><p>“Not ever?”</p><p>“Well,” he concedes, “not unless it’s <em> really </em> cold.”</p><p>The rest of the walk back is quiet enough to lull you into a daze; you twist the phantom thread that connects you around your fingers, inspecting it. It’s a bit thinner than you’d expected, a little less vivid than you remember, but it’s smooth and in good condition. Luffy might not care about the string, but you do; you care more than you want to admit, that a home somewhere was made just for you.</p><p>“You okay?” Usopp calls out briefly as you pass; and it’s a relief that nobody makes a fuss when you nod and bury your face against Luffy’s neck, embarrassed to be taken care of like this. He carries you all the way back to the ship, setting you down on the lawn, and orders you to sleep.</p><p>“If you’re tired—”</p><p>“—just make yourself not tired?”</p><p>“Now you’re getting it.”</p><hr/><p>He gets used to it. To you.</p><p>You haven’t told him you want to stay yet. Not in so many words, anyway, but he can tell by the way you sketch waves and shores and ships on papers stuffed hastily in the sketchpad Usopp gave you; by the way you dutifully head down to Franky’s workshop most afternoons and emerge with sticky hands, smelling like cola; by the way Robin affectionately picks leaves out of your hair after you help with the gardening.</p><p>He can tell by the fading uncertainty that isn’t quite his (it’s too unfamiliar, too unlike his normal self; it’s coming from you, somehow, through some weird magic).</p><p>It is a little concerning, though, how fragile you are compared to the rest of his crew (and it is the <em> rest </em> , because he’s already decided on you—it’s just a matter of <em> when</em>). Chopper confirms this, fretting somewhat over your complexion and energy levels, your diet and how much fresh air you get.</p><p>“It doesn’t seem critical,” he says, “but she’s not as healthy as you are.”</p><p>“Why? How do we solve it?”</p><p>“Sometimes people just need different care,” Chopper says. He looks optimistic,  which makes Luffy feel better. “We just have to take good care of her. If we pay attention, I'm sure we can figure out how to help.”</p><p>☼</p><p>He doesn’t really get it, but he does his best. </p><p>Luffy creeps into the women's quarters when nobody's looking, in the late afternoon when Nami is poring over maps and Robin is taking tea with Brook. The room is warm and golden with sunlight, gentle rays caressing the edges of your hair and folds of your blanket. </p><p>He hasn't seen you all day. It seems like you've been sleeping until now. </p><p>"Wake up," he says quietly but firmly, standing beside your bed with his hands on his hips. To his satisfaction, you do—your head lifts slightly in awareness, and he watches you sluggishly squirm into a sitting position. His eyes track the movement of your hand through your hair, over a sleepy eye and then to hide a yawn; a fleeting impulse to catch it in his own is gone as quickly as it comes.</p><p>"What time is…"</p><p>"It's already afternoon. You slept all day!"</p><p>"Oh," you sigh, "I'm sorry." Your voice is oddly tired for someone who's slept so long. </p><p>Luffy drops into a crouch, resting his arms on the edge of the bed and looking up at you. "Are you sick?"</p><p>"Why do you ask?"</p><p>"You shouldn't be tired after sleeping that much! You slept way too long. Come play with me."</p><p>You smile faintly at him–a small quirk of the lips that trembles before fading–and then make an apologetic expression. </p><p>"Sorry. I slept too long and my head hurts too much to play."</p><p>"Should I get Chopper?"</p><p>"No, it'll go away on its own. I think I just need some fresh air, but I'm having a hard time getting out of bed. That's all."</p><p>He doesn’t get it, but he figures you probably know your own condition. Luffy stands abruptly and gathers your hands in his, pulling until you stumble out of bed and fall against him. He catches you with one arm around your waist, looks to make sure you didn't get hurt, and then gives you a brief squeeze before letting go. </p><p>"Oh, is that all? You're a bit weak sometimes, huh? Now you're up, so come outside!"</p><p>He likes the way you're looking at him, likes the way some of your haziness fades away when he touches you. He likes the way you ask him to leave the room or at least turn around while you make yourself presentable (<em>cheeks pink, a little grumpy, a little shy</em>), and the way you hold his hand when you're done. </p><p>"Thanks," you say quietly as he tugs you outside. Your gaze clears in the cool sea air, reflecting clouds in the bright blue sky. You don't let go of his hand. "I feel a bit better now."</p><p>He doesn’t get it, but he thinks it won’t be a problem even if you stay. He’s determined to make you stay.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It becomes hard to sleep. Harder than usual, anyway.</p><p>The listlessness envelopes you like a thick fog; exhaustion weighs down your limbs, and your lengthy naps don’t seem to solve the problem. You spend half the night awake, waking every few hours for seemingly no reason.</p><p>The pervasive sense of unease that follows you is quickly noticed by the rest of the crew, and they help as much as they can; steaming late night drinks from Sanji, amusing stories from Usopp to lift your spirits, late night chats with Nami as you snuggle into your blankets and peek at each other in flickering candlelight. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but either way the efforts are appreciated. </p><p>Sometimes, when you think you can't endure the long and quiet hours, Luffy shows up.</p><p>He peeks around the doorframe. Nami and Robin are still fast asleep, snuggled deep in their blankets; they don’t stir as a rubbery hand shoots out and latches on to your arm, tugging you outside. Luffy holds a finger up to his mouth and winks at you. It’s laughable, really, being told to be quiet by one of the least stealthy people you’ve ever met, but your heart still pounds at the thought of being caught. He seems to share your amusement, grinning broadly as you tiptoe outside, the corners of your mouth turning helplessly upwards.</p><p>Luffy tugs you down the stairs and into the men’s quarters. It’s significantly louder here, with snores and sighs and the creak of wooden bunks moving. Luffy squeezes your hand lightly and then gestures to one of the ladders, so you climb up and roll into the bed. The bunk sways, suspended by rope, and the ship sways, suspended by temperamental ocean, and for a brief moment you feel slightly nauseous before everything settles.</p><p>Luffy clambers up into the bed after you. He hovers over you for a moment; in the gloom, you can just make out the contours of his face. Your breathing becomes shallow as you grow aware of the heat of his body against yours, the caress of his gaze over your face. It’s different, being this close. You shimmy slightly closer to the side of the bunk, but it doesn’t seem to change anything; you’re still surrounded by Luffy, by the smell of his bedsheets and the warmth of his arms. Planted firmly on either side of you, his arms feel stronger and more muscled than they looked. An unfamiliar sense of security blooms inside of you, and with it, the sleepiness that had been so elusive.</p><p>He falls into the space you’ve left for him, squeezing in close. There’s not even enough room to lie side by side but he pulls you into him immediately anyway—your head tucked securely under his, arms encircling each other. His leg comes up over yours and rests over the edge of the bunk, caging you under him. Luffy gathers you close and hums contentedly; you feel the vibration in his throat and the rhythm of his pulse when you nuzzle closer.</p><p>“Sleep here from now on,” Luffy murmurs.</p><p>“I think the others will be mad,” you whisper back. He squirms as your breath tickles his skin.</p><p>“I’m the captain. Sleep here.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>"Does this help?" Luffy squeezes you carefully, an unexpectedly gentle movement that makes the tension slowly leave your limbs.</p><p>"Yeah. It helps a lot."</p><p>☼</p><p>"Why does this soulmate thing matter so much to you anyway?"</p><p>"It’s hard to explain," you sigh, "I guess it’s like—Hm. Like figuring out cause and effect."</p><p>Luffy waits expectantly with an expression that screams <em> I don’t know what you’re saying</em>. He looks frustrated, mouth curving into a little frown.</p><p>"It's like," you scratch circles on the page with your pencil, "do we like each other because we were made to be soulmates, or are we soulmates because we were gonna like each other anyway?"</p><p>He thinks about it for half a second before groaning. "I don't know, that's too complicated."</p><p>"Yeah, so I don't know how much it matters. Maybe not at all. Maybe a lot. I kind of feel like it’s a lot, though." You gesture at the string. “Would this thing exist if God, or the gods, or a god—that part is too complicated for me, too—wasn’t telling us it’s important to choose each other?”</p><p>"My feelings are my own choice," Luffy says, "and your feelings are yours. Even if there’s magic involved. No god-something-or-other is allowed to interfere with them, and I'll kick their ass if they do."</p><p>"You can't fight a god."</p><p>"Sure I can. I kicked that earlobes guy's ass."</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>"What was his name…? It's not important. Anyway, what do <em> you </em>want? Make your own decision."</p><p>"I don’t think what I want is very practical.”</p><p>Luffy rolls his eyes. “Who <em> cares </em> what’s practical?”</p><p>You feel your shoulders curl defensively.</p><p>"If we weren't soulmates," Luffy says, "if destiny or whatever isn't why we met, would you still have asked for my help?"</p><p>You look him in the eyes. Luffy's eyes are serious, wide open and fully focused on you.</p><p>“Do you regret being here now? Did this dumb piece of string force you to do it? You wanna get off the ship and go home?”</p><p>You think of soft, messy hair, bright laughter and instinctive smiles. You think of the way he can outshine the sun when he's feeling bright, and the warmth of his body beside yours as you fall asleep. You think about how your failings don't feel as much like failings when he (and everyone else) is willing to help you with them.</p><p>"No," you answer, "I don’t think so."</p><p>"Then destiny or fate or whatever can’t matter that much. You’re still making your own choices.”</p><p>“That...seems too simple.”</p><p>“You’re just being too complicated! You sure are slow sometimes."</p><p>"I don't want to hear that from someone who can't do simple math."</p><p>"Math isn't important for a pirate king!" Luffy reaches out and pokes your cheek, outraged. "Besides, I have you for that!"</p><p>You can't help but laugh. "Yeah, I guess you do."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sabaody Archipelago is a riot of crowds and attractions. The ship docks in the 41st grove and the crew spills out in all directions, prepared to search for your missing spyglass and enjoy themselves in equal measure. </p><p>Luffy drags you towards the heart of the grove's city, marveling at the people and stalls. "I've been here before," he says, "but it's so fun! Those bubbles are really interesting."</p><p>"What are they for?"</p><p>"Like, <em> everything. </em>"</p><p>He doesn't really have the patience to scour each stall selling trinkets with you, despite his best intentions. He wants to run around; there's so little <em> time </em>, after all, to do all of the things he wants to do with you, so he needs to figure out how to solve this quickly. Luffy tethers himself to you with one hand and cranes his neck, searching for the next interesting thing while you pick through a basket of novelty timepieces and themed compasses.</p><p>"How many groves are there selling stuff like this?"</p><p>"About a dozen," the vendor says, "dedicated to shopping. Most of the groves will have some stores, though. Are you looking for something specific?"</p><p>"Ah, kind of. It's—"</p><p>"Oh, let's go there!" </p><p>You resist briefly, attempting to finish your conversation, but the tension of Luffy's stretching arm becomes too much; you grimace apologetically and hurry to follow the rubber man. Luffy points at the tent he was making a beeline for and grins. </p><p>"There. Let's get our fortunes told! I wanna hear about becoming the pirate king, and maybe they'll be able to tell us about your spyglass."</p><p>There's no point in you asking what he'd do if the fortune teller is a fraud, because Luffy doesn't actually give a damn what the fortune is (he does believe in magic, though, so he hopes it'll be real). He just thinks it's kind of funny, is all, and it'd be nice if he gets a good fortune involving you. </p><p>The inside of the tent is dim and stuffy, filled with soft fabrics and too much glitter, but he's undeterred. You follow him nervously and he tugs you closer in response. Though he’s not typically very sensitive to other peoples’ moods (Usopp complains about it frequently, in fact, when he’s being pushed to do something scary), he can’t help being aware of yours. </p><p>"Don't worry," Luffy says. He's kind of excited to try a date activity. Usopp teases him sometimes about this kind of thing and he's gonna show them all that he can do it too. "I'm here, it'll be fine."</p><p>"Thanks. It's just a bit spooky in here." You squeeze his hand and flinch as the fortune teller emerges from a curtained entrance. </p><p>"Hello," she says; she's old, wizened but with bright eyes, kind of like Rayleigh, Luffy thinks. Old people who know things. "It's been a long time since I've seen soulmates."</p><p>"How did you know?"</p><p>"I wouldn't be much of a mystic if I couldn't even see that much," the old woman says. She gestures for the two of you to seat yourselves, and you sink into an uncomfortably plush chair across from her.</p><p>"Can you find stuff?" Luffy asks, throwing himself into the other chair. "We're looking for a spyglass."</p><p>"I read destinies," the mystic says dryly, "I don't track objects like a hound."</p><p>"Aww." His disappointment is short lived. "Can you tell the future?"</p><p>"In a manner of speaking."</p><p>"What's mine? Is there lots of cool stuff?"</p><p>"Your future is tied to many others," the mystic hums. "There is pain, a great deal of it; and a great deal more joy, if you're prepared to fight for it. I suggest you don't let go of each other. The separation would surely be fatal."</p><p>Luffy isn't sure how he feels about that. He's had to separate from everyone before, and is prepared for it to happen again; it's hard to say what will happen during the course of their adventures.</p><p>"Is that literal," you ask nervously, "or like… an emotional separation…?"</p><p>The mystic laughs. "What do you think?"</p><p>"Can you see me as the pirate king? Do I look cool?"</p><p>"That knowledge will not help you right now. I can see a future where that might be the case, but it depends on your choices."</p><p>"Then do you have any advice for us?" </p><p>"Yes," the mystic says to you. She stares for a long moment, looking through you at something else you cannot see. "Take the risk. You'll know it when the time comes."</p><p>It sounds ominous. Luffy watches you sink in your chair, chewing at your lips again. When he asks what the old woman means, you don't answer. </p><p>"I don't get it," he complains. </p><p>"You don't need to," the old woman says. "My advice for <em> you </em> is to keep rising. There are answers that can only be found at the top."</p><p>He grimaces. "You sure say a lot of weird things."</p><p>"Luffy!"</p><p>"I didn't understand a word of this! C'mon, let's go to the next grove. I wanna hurry up and find your treasure so we can do fun things."</p><p>He decides not to pay attention to the fortune, despite an uneasy feeling in his gut, and neither of you talk about it again for the rest of the day.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You don’t find the spyglass that day.</p><p>The crew rents a series of rooms in one of the seedier groves, where there’s an excess of pirates and questionably legal goods. It’s a little bit rundown, but there’s a clear view of the ocean and the sheets are clean. You try exploring the area the following day, reasoning that if the spyglass was stolen then it might be in the pirate-infested groves; various strangers eye you with evaluating stares and then look away again when they see Luffy’s straw hat. Luffy dutifully accompanies you without a word of complaint, chattering about potential attractions.</p><p>“Wanna go to the amusement park?” he asks late in the afternoon.</p><p>“Is that okay? The longer we take to look, the longer we might have to stay here, you know?”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Luffy hums, “I wanna ride the ferris wheel.”</p><p>“Isn’t it a bit late? You won’t be able to see that well if it gets dark first.”</p><p>“Don’t worry so much! It’ll be great. Promise.”</p><p>He rents a bicycle encased in a bubble and pedals furiously to the 32nd grove, fast enough that your hair whips back and forth and you laugh loudly, the pounding of your heart enough to distract from the building nausea in your gut.</p><p>You haven’t been feeling well recently. It’s a familiar kind of sickly feeling; the full body ache and dread of a coming low. The unpleasant sensation ramped up significantly last night, like an oncoming flu. The amusement park is a gamble, but spending time with Luffy tends to make you feel better and you don’t want to disappoint him.</p><p>You’re not wholly sure if he’d believe you (or understand) if you explained to him, so you don’t. You can probably just deal with it.</p><p>Sabaody Park is still thick with crowds of tourists, despite the late hour. Luffy links his fingers through yours, a gesture now so familiar that you barely take note of it, and points out the various rides he tried last time he came. Stories of Brook’s horrified expression and Usopp’s jokes spill freely from his lips with such vigor that you can practically see the adventure yourself.</p><p>“You like thrill seeking rides, don’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah! The exciting ones are more fun.”</p><p>“Why the ferris wheel, then?”</p><p>Luffy hums, smiling. “Secret.”</p><p>You give him a flat look. “<em> You </em>, keeping a secret?”</p><p>“I can keep secrets too!”</p><p>“If you say so. Bet you’ll tell me by the end of the night.”</p><p>“May~be.” He swings your arm, looking this way and that. “We should get something to eat first. I’m hungry.”</p><p>The thought of food makes your stomach lurch, but you swallow thickly and nod. “Sure. What are you feeling like? Wait, don’t tell me—”</p><p>“Meat,” you both say simultaneously. Luffy laughs.</p><p>“Let’s go, let’s go!”</p><p>You pick at your dinner and end up hardly eating any of it. Luckily, your lacking appetite goes unnoticed as your soulmate inhales your share of food as well. When you stand up, though, a brief dizzy spell threatens your consciousness. You sway embarrassingly before catching yourself against Luffy’s shoulder.</p><p>“You okay?” he asks, frowning.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Are you sure? We could—”</p><p>“You wanted to ride the ferris wheel, right? That’s a nice, peaceful ride so I think it’ll be fine.” You shake your head in an attempt to clear it but the dizziness only worsens. “I’m okay. This happens sometimes.”</p><p>Luffy frowns harder, but doesn’t say anything. He reaches for your hand again.</p><p>You take a step towards him and tumble into darkness.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It’s been a while since you last fainted; you resurface abruptly, disoriented and in a seemingly completely different location. Voices trying and failing to be quiet argue somewhere off to your right.</p><p>“There’s nothing medically wrong with her.”</p><p>“Then why’d she collapse?”</p><p>“I don’t know yet, maybe—”</p><p>“Did you guys do any—”</p><p>“I didn’t do anything! We were just—”</p><p>You shift, attempting to open your eyes; the light is too bright, searing your sensitive corneas, and you squeeze them shut tightly before trying again more cautiously.</p><p>“She’s awake,” Robin says. Her hand touches your forehead briefly, the touch pleasantly cool. Her low voice is soothing in your ear as she helps you sit up. “You don’t have a fever, so that’s good.”</p><p>Chopper’s feet tap rapidly against the wooden floor and he’s beside you in an instant, looking worried. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Not great.”</p><p>“Can you describe your symptoms?”</p><p>“I’m still dizzy,” you say, “and nauseous, and something <em> hurts </em> in my chest area.”</p><p>“Any numbness or tingling?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Can you raise both your arms?”</p><p>Chopper continues asking a series of questions, looking increasingly puzzled as you comply. “I don’t know why you collapsed,” he says eventually.</p><p>“Is it because you didn’t eat dinner?” Luffy says from the other end of the room. “I didn’t know you were that hungry.</p><p>“Oi,” Usopp retorts, “you’re the only one who collapses from a single missed meal.”</p><p>“I really wasn’t hungry,” you say. You are now, but your stomach is still so uneasy that you don’t think you could stomach a single bite of food.</p><p>“I’ll keep looking into it,” Chopper says. “There has to be an explanation. Get some more rest for now.”</p><p>Robin, Chopper, and Usopp slowly file out of the room. Usopp lingers for a moment, eyes darting between you and Luffy, a question on the tip of his tongue; but he lets it die and closes the door softly behind him.</p><p>“You’re not dying or anything, right?” Luffy asks. He’s sharing the room with you, a natural decision since you’ve been bunking with him more often than not.</p><p>“I think Chopper would know if I was.”</p><p>"Oh, I guess you're right."</p><p>"I'm sorry I couldn't go on the ferris wheel with you."</p><p>"We can go later, when you're better."</p><p>"Okay." You sigh, weary despite not having done anything, and recline against the pillows. "I'm so tired."</p><p>Luffy crawls into the bed beside you. "Let's sleep. I bet you'll feel better after some sleep."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>You don't get better after some sleep.</p><p>For three days the crew watches you wither, unable to keep down most of your food or stay awake. Chopper is beside himself, scouring every journal he possesses and going out to gather information. </p><p>Luffy tries not to panic. He <em> tries. </em></p><p>"What do I do," he asks Zoro. His first mate's brow furrows, thoughtful, but he remains silent.</p><p>"Do you think maybe," Usopp says, "it's a soulmate thing?"</p><p>Luffy looks at the string for the first time in days. He didn't feel like he had a reason to, when you were always by his side. </p><p>"What," he says. His voice trembles. "What is this?"</p><p>"What's what," Zoro asks.</p><p>The thread is frayed, faded; he wonders for a fleeting second if he could just snap it with a sharp tug. It looks just as bad as you seem to feel.</p><p>"Why is it like this?"</p><p>"What's going on, Luffy?" Zoro asks again.</p><p>"It's all—It shouldn't be like this." He shoots to his feet, mind racing. "I'm going to ask that fortune teller. She knew stuff."</p><p>Before the others can say another word, he's out the door. He doesn't even bother with a bike this time, racing as fast as his feet can carry him, until he's standing sweaty and panting in front of an empty tent.</p><p>"What the hell," he says.</p><p>"Are you looking for the old lady who was here?" asks a vendor behind him. Luffy turns and looks. The vendor seems taken aback by whatever he sees, but continues. "She left a couple of days ago. Said she had given out all the advice she needed to."</p><p>"Where did she go?"</p><p>The vendor shrugs.</p><p>Luffy returns to the inn empty handed, following the trail of red back to its other end. He collects a bowl of broth from Sanji that he knows you probably won't be able to finish (he can still feel them, those not-his feelings, like intuition but stronger. He knows down to the hour how long you haven’t been able to eat) and carries it up to your room quietly. </p><p>Someone opened the window while he was away; he stops in the doorway and takes in your vacant expression as you stare out the window. Something about the scene reminds him of Kaya, back when he first met Usopp, and he feels another brief flash of panic that he forces down.</p><p>"Is this a soulmate thing too?" Luffy asks. You turn your head painfully slowly and look at him.</p><p>"I don't—"</p><p>"Just tell me."</p><p>"Probably."</p><p>"Do you know why it's happening?"</p><p>You shake your head. "I might be able to guess, but…"</p><p>"Stop wasting time," he snaps. He doesn't mean to be harsh, not really, but the rising panic is making him feel wildly out of control. He doesn't want to watch whatever is happening to you any longer than he has to.</p><p>You bite your lip and look away. </p><p>"Why didn't you say anything? Tell me what’s going on."</p><p>☼</p><p>You had forgotten that even he can be cruel.</p><p>Not intentionally; evil is not in Luffy's nature. Every fiber of your being knows he is not trying to hurt you, even as your heart twists at the expression on his face.</p><p>His eyes stare blankly into yours and for a moment, neither of you speak. His eyes are two voids, utterly devoid of light. In the shadow of the dimly lit doorway, they reflect absolutely nothing at all.</p><p>"You don't want me." Your voice comes out almost as a whisper, lost in the ocean breeze. </p><p>He looks uncomfortable and confused upon hearing the words, almost uncertain. It's an awful look on Luffy, who is always moving forward and sure of his path.</p><p>"Why would you think—"</p><p>"You don’t," you swallow painfully, throat dry. "You don't want to be my soulmate."</p><p>His face twists. </p><p>"I think it matters," you say quietly. "I—It's not your fault, really. I'm not blaming you or anything. But I think I'm sick because you don't want me. Or because I feel like you don’t want me. That’s messed up, isn’t it?"</p><p>It might not even be that; but the more insecure you felt, the sicker you got, and there’s no other explanation. You’ve heard of bond rejection before but only once, briefly, and not how to stop it. Your gaze lowers to the tattered thread wrapped around your finger. A familiar feeling of hopelessness steals over you, settling warm and heavy on your shoulders like a blanket, and for a few seconds you contemplate simply giving up.</p><p>"Why do you think that," he repeats, frustrated.</p><p>You shake your head, just a fraction to each side; any more would set off another wave of dizziness. A smile dies on your lips before it can fully bloom, suppressed by humiliation. You can't tell him your broken brain is causing this much inconvenience. You <em> can't. </em> You'd rather just—</p><p>“I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong!”</p><p>“I don’t think you can fix it anyway.” You peek at him again. Luffy looks angry now; he’s angry with you, definitely, but you still don’t want to admit that this is all some...<em> you </em> problem. “Even if you tell me you want me now, I won’t really believe it.” </p><p>“So what am I supposed to do?”</p><p>The silence that sits between you after that is so absolute that it’s almost deafening. </p><p>"We could just part ways here," you say. The words taste rotten on your tongue, but they slip out from the dark space inside of you that constantly suggests you should give up. You're a lot of work, after all.</p><p>Surprise finally overtakes the displeasure on his face. "Huh?"</p><p>You wet your lips, teeth worrying at the skin. "You don't <em> have </em> to be with me. I'm getting sick because—because we aren't matching up, right? So if we just stop—"</p><p>"What if you died? No way. There has to be another way to fix it. Just...hang on. Don’t give up. I promise I’ll fix this.”</p><p>"What if you c—"</p><p>"Don't," Luffy says. His voice cracks slightly.</p><p>“We don’t even know for sure that’s what’s happening.”</p><p>Luffy lifts his chin defiantly. “Doesn’t matter,” he says, “I’m gonna fix it anyway so you’re not allowed to die in the meantime.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>He discovers that fixing the situation isn’t easy.</p><p>Luffy flops onto Zoro’s bed. The swordsman is perched on the edge, maintaining his swords, and barely spares Luffy a glance.</p><p>“How’s she doing?”</p><p>“Not much better.”</p><p>“Have you come up with a solution yet? Do we even know what the <em> problem </em> is yet?”</p><p>“No,” Luffy says angrily. He glares at the ceiling and kicks his feet, wanting to throw a fruitless tantrum. “<em> And </em> I have to fix it myself. You can’t help with this.”</p><p>“Have you thought about what happens after you save her?”</p><p>Luffy looks at Zoro. Zoro lays his sword across his lap and twists to look Luffy in the eye. “Is she going to join our crew?”</p><p>He hadn’t really asked. Not directly. It wasn’t the right time, and he wasn’t sure yet—and then he wasn’t sure if you would say <em> yes </em>.</p><p>“She will,” he says eventually. </p><p>Zoro doesn’t question him further. He hardly ever does, which is part of what Luffy likes so much about his first mate. The familiar trust eases the stifling mix of emotions swirling inside of him. “Okay. Let me know when you figure it out.”</p><p>“Okay. Thanks, Zoro.”</p><p>☼</p><p>He later finds you in the hallway, back straight and tall, frozen still by the window. You're staring out at the ocean with eyes so wide he can see the whites rimming them all the way around; your gaze reflects just enough starlight to glitter faintly, like the gentle waves you can't look away from. </p><p>"Hey," he says—first curiously, and then more insistently when you don't respond. </p><p>"Sorry," you whisper. "I was just...somewhere else, for a minute."</p><p>He can feel another curious sensation in the back of his mind; an echo of what might be pain on your end of the bond. The thread sways between you in a gentle breeze, thin and fragile-looking.</p><p>It makes him restless to look at it, so he moves to stand beside you. He doesn't have to see it if he's close enough.</p><p>"Are you okay?" he asks. Your eyes slide over to him and you smile, but the motion doesn't read as genuine to him.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Don't lie," he says. "I hate it when people lie."</p><p>"I know. I'm okay, really." You take a deep breath, the air catching in your throat. "I'll be okay. Maybe it'll just heal."</p><p>"I'll make it heal," Luffy says, and it feels kind of absurd; he's hated that stupid string all along, hates it even more now that it's hurting you for no reason, but he has no other choice but to try and fix it.</p><p>He doesn't want to find out what happens if it snaps anymore.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Luffy,” says Usopp.</p><p>“Have you come up with anything?” He feels like he’s tried everything; even, in a fit of desperate irritation, meditating (to nobody's great surprise, it doesn't work). He tries every expression of affection he can think of. He comes in and out of your room a dozen times a day; carrying snacks he begged off Sanji, dumping blankets over you that he stole from Nami, coordinating Brook and Chopper to entertain you. </p><p>It helps, in the moment, but your condition seems to worsen again in a few hours. He runs out of potential solutions.</p><p>“You’re really not good at this, huh,” Usopp says instead of answering. He takes a seat across the table and folds his arms. “Maybe you don’t get it because you’re not afraid of enough stuff? I think I can understand her as a fellow coward and as a weaker member of the crew.”</p><p>"Then explain it to me!" Luffy snaps, stung by the sniper's words. </p><p>Usopp smiles. "Never fear, dear captain; God Usopp has a miraculous plan to solve all of your problems. Maybe. It'll depend on you. Also I don't really know anything about soulmates so I don't—"</p><p>"Just hurry up and tell me," Luffy demands.</p><p>"Okay, okay! Geez."</p><p>☼</p><p>He asks you to ride the ferris wheel with him. </p><p>It's an almost ludicrous suggestion, when your bones are always aching and your mouth is always dry and you feel more like a creature than a person; but Luffy is insistent that it's important, so you drag yourself out of bed and attempt to behave like a human being again. </p><p>He piggybacks you all the way to Sabaody Park. The attractions are lit with dazzling lights and throngs of people gather at stalls with steaming street foods; but Luffy pads past them, doggedly heading for the massive wheel at the center of the park. </p><p>The two of you slide into one of the carriages and begin the slow rise up to the top.</p><p>"The view is really pretty," you say to break the silence. And it is. From this high up, you can see several of the groves at once; small clusters of lights and bubbles reflecting a kaleidoscope of colours. It's so beautiful that for a minute you forget to worry about why Luffy brought you here. "I wish I had brought my sketchbook."</p><p>"I really wanted to show this to you," he says quietly.</p><p>You turn away from the view to face him. The carriage is dark, his profile outlined in distant lights that fade the higher you climb. </p><p>"Was there a reason?"</p><p>"Yeah. Usopp said I should take you."</p><p>It doesn't hurt, but it's a little disappointing that he didn't think of it himself. </p><p>"If I didn't know better," you say, "I'd say this is a date."</p><p>He stares at you. "It is."</p><p>You smile. </p><p>"It is," he insists. "Usopp told me that I'm not good at talking to people. I don't think that's true—things always work out, after all—but he said that you're probably sick because I didn't talk to you enough. So we have to talk it out. I don't think fighting you will fix things anyway."</p><p>You can't help but laugh at that, earning a grin from Luffy. "No, it definitely wouldn't. Okay, so what did you want to talk about, exactly?"</p><p>"Well," Luffy says. His earnest seriousness is kind of adorable. "I'm not really good with all this complicated stuff. To be honest, Usopp told me a lot of things, but I forgot most of them cuz I was distracted by you. The main point is that I need you, so you should join my crew."</p><p>"Luffy, that doesn't explain anything at all."</p><p>His brow furrows. "You thought I didn't like you, right? I don't ask people I don't like to join my crew. That wouldn't make sense."</p><p>"Well," you say slowly, "I guess that makes sense."</p><p>"And you thought this wasn't a date, but it is. Usopp told me once—a long time ago—that if you really like someone, you should take them on a ferris wheel at night, and—AH!"</p><p>Luffy jumps to his feet and you flinch, startled; the carriage rocks dangerously for a moment, tipping you out of your seat and sending you tumbling into him. He catches you reflexively and steadies you on the bench beside him, keeping you close. </p><p>The searing warmth of his palms is comforting against your stiff, frozen fingers; you can't seem to get warm lately unless you're in contact with him, and when you try to pull away he squeezes your hand even more tightly. </p><p>"That was dangerous! Woah, you're freezing."</p><p>"Why did you yell like that!? You nearly gave me a heart attack."</p><p>"I forgot," he says sadly, "I was supposed to make them stop the wheel when we're at the top."</p><p>A sudden sputter of laughter escapes you. "I thought it was something serious."</p><p>"It <em> is </em>serious. That was a key part of the plan!"</p><p>Something clicks in your head then. </p><p>"Oh," you say, "this <em> was </em> a date."</p><p>"That's what I've been trying to tell you, it—why are you crying?!"</p><p>"I don't mean to be crying," you say through your tears. You swipe roughly at your eyes until Luffy pulls your hands away and wraps his arms around you. "I'm just annoyed that I didn't get it until now."</p><p>Whatever moment there might have been is already ruined. You decide not to get your hopes up. Usopp might have engineered a classic date, but Luffy has the romantic instincts of a sea snail. This much, the fact that he cares enough to do all of this for you, is more than enough. </p><p>Besides, he hasn't tried to kiss you. You try not to be disappointed about it as the carriage begins its descent. </p><p>"So did it work? Are you better?"</p><p>"Luffy, it's been, like, ten seconds. But I think it will work. I hope it will."</p><p>"Sorry," he says. His voice goes soft and uncharacteristically serious. You feel his chin brush against the top of your head as he turns to look out at the view. "I’m an idiot, so it’s taking me a long time to figure this out."</p><p>"It’s okay," you sniffle against him, "I think I'm kind of an idiot too."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Your condition improves after that.</p><p>"I'm sorry," you mumble into the darkness for what might be the hundredth time. "This is all so stupid."</p><p>"Yeah," Luffy agrees. "If this ever happens again I'm gonna kick your brain's ass."</p><p>The concept is funny enough to send you into a fit of quiet giggles; Luffy looks enormously pleased with himself for making you laugh, which only intensifies your fit.</p><p>"Yes," you say, "please do so. Although I don't know how you would."</p><p>He hums. "I'll figure that part out later."</p><p>"Luffy?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Why are you doing all of this for me? I mean, we like each other, but you don't want a soulmate."</p><p>He looks baffled at the question. "So?"</p><p>"What do you mean, so?"</p><p>"What does that have to do with it? We've been over this, like, a hundred times."</p><p>"It's just a lot of effort to put in for something that doesn't matter much."</p><p>"You're being weird again," he says. There's an expression of mild suffering on his face, as if you just told him that he might have to wait an extra ten minutes for lunch. "<em> You </em>matter. You’re still not fully recovered."</p><p>"You didn't sign up for...all of this… when we first met. A-and—" the words start to slip out of you again, some switch in your brain stuck in the <em> on </em> position. You sit up, suddenly too anxious to stay relaxed, and he shifts to sit cross legged across from you. "—And it might happen again. You're so nice to me but sometimes I just get <em> sad </em> and <em> worried </em> and start thinking stupid thoughts, like what if you just get sick of it? So—"</p><p>"I like you a <em> lot </em>, so you don't have to worry about all of that. I just don't know how to—to be your," his hand gestures vaguely and falls limp to his side. "That's for other people, like Usopp. He knows what to do. But don’t worry! I’ll keep asking him if it happens again."</p><p>"Luffy," you say. He hasn't stopped looking at you; even through how horribly awkward this conversation is getting, his eyes don't leave you.</p><p>Unbidden, the fortune teller's words come to mind. You decide to take the risk. </p><p>"Luffy," you say again, gathering your courage, because if this is where your journey together ends then you'd like to be a little bit selfish and indulge in the taste of his name on your tongue, the touch of his gaze on your face. "I think I'm in love with you."</p><p>You try for a smile. He doesn't react, and somehow you can't quite feel your face enough to know if you succeeded.</p><p>This is it, you think. The silence cuts deeper than you expected. </p><p>You think his mouth opens but it's hard to tell; your vision is suddenly failing. For a moment you think that you're going blind before the tears start burning hot trails down your cheeks.</p><p>"That was stupid. Forget it, I just wanted to know if—"</p><p>He slams his lips against yours before you can say another word; the kiss is bruising and clumsy, and you think maybe he split your lip because you could swear that's blood you're tasting.</p><p>Luffy pulls back, eyes wide and bottomless.</p><p>"You can't take that back," he says hoarsely.</p><p>"...Okay."</p><p>He presses his hands to either side of your face, leaning in until your noses are brushing.</p><p>"You meant it, right?" he asks.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Good. That's really good."</p><p>He leans in again, gentler this time, and when your lips meet you feel a flutter of happiness that doesn't quite seem like it's just your own.</p><p>"That means you'll join the crew, right?"</p><p>"Is that what you're thinking about right now?"</p><p>"It's important!"</p><p>"Luffy," you say, "I'll stay for as long as you'll have me."</p><p>"Forever, then."</p><p>"Okay. Forever it is."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A lot of things change when you get better, mostly for Luffy.</p><p>It's not like he's never thought about sex before, but it holds little appeal for him. There’s always something more interesting, a more pressing problem or an easier gratification. Luffy found early that what was under peoples' clothes didn't hold a lot of interest for him and he rarely thought about it.</p><p>But if it's of interest to you, then it's a different story.</p><p>When you climb into his lap and wind your arms around his neck, Luffy decides he wants to try. Your hands toy with the ends of his hair and scratch pleasantly at his nape. Closeness is good, feels good. His mouth finds yours and you hum pleasantly as you kiss, or he kisses you—whoever started it is unimportant as his focus shifts to drawing out more of those contented little sounds.</p><p>He finds himself just a little bit eager, mostly to please you. The affection and wanting in your gaze fuels his own desire.</p><p>He's not quite sure what to do with his hands; there's a process to this in theory, of course, but when faced with an actual body against his, he feels a momentary frustration at his own inexperience. Luffy settles his palms at the dip of your waist and decides to focus on the movement of your lips and tongue, which he thinks he's getting the hang of. You're pressing insistently against him in a way that’s both distracting and comforting, your body heat seeping into his clothes.</p><p>“I love you,” you say dreamily against his lips, like the words are easy. They spill into his mouth and down his throat, sparking warmth in his belly. He wants to hear it more.</p><p>“Again.”</p><p>“Hmm? I love you.”</p><p>“Wow,” he breathes. “<em> I love you </em>. Does that feel good for you too?”</p><p>Your arms squeeze him a bit tighter as you shift in his lap, kissing him a bit harder. “Yeah,” you say, “it does.”</p><p>It’s kind of fascinating, even though he still doesn’t really trust this bond thing. It’s a little scary, too, but he’s always been a bit of a thrill seeker.</p><p>He lets you push him down against the bed, reclining under your slight weight. You unbutton his vest and mouth at him here and there; your lips trace a slow, meandering path down his neck and chest, lightly biting and licking at his skin. It doesn’t even leave the faintest imprint, which is to be expected, but he kind of wishes it would. His muscles twitch underneath your mouth, tense against the unfamiliar sensations.</p><p>"Feels weird," Luffy mumbles.</p><p>"Bad weird?"</p><p>"Weird weird."</p><p>“You want me to keep going?” Your hands are at his waistband, toying with the belt loops of his shorts as you look up at him. He feels hot as he looks down at you, his heart pounding in a way that’s starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. His head is fuzzy as if he just woke up from a nap. It’s a bit much, but maybe it’s supposed to be like this?</p><p>“Dunno.”</p><p>He jolts slightly at the brush of air as you exhale against his stomach. "I won’t go further if you're not sure," you say, and kiss a burning trail back up to his lips. This is better, he decides, this isn’t as overwhelming. Luffy's hands stroke gentle circles against your hips, squeezing lightly. His skin is overheated as if he’s about to go into second gear; a stir of desire twinges in his stomach, and when you look up at him from beneath your eyelashes, he chooses to try and make things even.</p><p>He rolls you underneath him, his arms supporting him on either side of your head as he straddles your waist. There’s a fleeting impulse to engage in a little wrestling with you, and the playful grin that overtakes Luffy’s face is reciprocated as you squirm under him for a bit before relaxing against the mattress. He’s hard against your stomach, but that’s not what he wants right now, and he catches your hand as it reaches up and pins it against the bed.</p><p>"No more?"</p><p>“Tell me,” Luffy demands with his eyes wide and dark, staring at your body. “Tell me how to make you feel good instead. Show me. I-I want to touch you.”</p><p>"Oh," you reply, “okay.” He releases your arm and observes as you remove your own shirt, the slowly revealed flush staining your neck and chest causing another thread of arousal to wind its way through his body. Under the guidance of your hands and voice, Luffy makes his own thorough exploration of your torso. </p><p>He makes his way over the dips and planes of your body, and he leaves a lot of marks when he discovers that you seem to like it, twisting and sighing beneath him. Luffy is reminded that you’re not made of rubber, your skin soft and fragile beneath his teeth and tongue, and he feels an overwhelming urge to mark, to <em> claim </em>.</p><p>He’s a pirate, after all. It’s what he does.</p><p>Luffy stops to admire his own handiwork when he reaches your belt. Your eyes are hazy and warm, your hair mussed, your skin littered with hickeys and bite marks. He feels an odd surge of pride that he made you look like that.</p><p>“We don’t have to go farther today,” you tell him, pulling his hand to your mouth so that you can kiss his fingers one by one. He can feel your smile against the pad of each digit. “Or ever. But if you want to try, we’ll have time to figure it out. I’m yours, after all. Forever.”</p><p>“Mine,” Luffy repeats, watching your pupils dilate. “That sounds good.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After a lengthy search, you give up on finding that spyglass.</p><p>"The spyglass wasn't the important thing," you say, "the important thing was having something that's <em> mine </em>."</p><p>"So you don't need it anymore?"</p><p>"Maybe it'll turn up someday. Besides, I have a lot more things now than when we met, don't you think?"</p><p>Luffy grins. "Like me?"</p><p>"I didn't know you were a <em> thing </em>." You nudge him and he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you down onto the Sunny's lawn in a flailing tangle of limbs that makes Nami sigh theatrically.</p><p>Luffy tickles you until you're out of breath and then the two of you lie on the lawn, tracing shapes into the clouds until the rest of the crew joins you in a disorganized sprawl of limbs and laughter. </p><p>You later fill another page in your sketchbook with the scene, borrowing paints from Usopp to preserve the image in full colour. The red thread connecting you and Luffy is hardly even noticeable in the chaos of the image, but it doesn’t really matter compared to the carefully etched smiles on your faces.</p><p>The sky is a beautiful, endless blue. The kind of sky that suggests you could go anywhere and do anything; even be happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had to rethink this fic a lot more than I expected, but the initial few scenes I imagined were so vivid in my head that I couldn't let go of them. At this point, I'm glad I made it to the end at all. 😄 For the longest time I could only envision a pretty tragic end (the initial concept, before many tweaks and rewrites, was a lot angstier), but I think it turned out okay. Luffy is so much sunshine, I just end up wanting to write happy scenes when I think of him. </p><p>I feel so refreshed having finished this even though I still did a misunderstanding plot lol. I tried making it a little bit spicier this time. Hope it turned out more understandable than frustrating. The next one will be different for sure! I promise! 💪</p><p>Thank you for reading, as always &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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